10.27.2009

Disordered

I've said for years [in jest] that I have "Insufficient Bulimia"--I binge, but I don't purge. That is now its own official eating disorder: Compulsive Overeating. But I've never, never understood Anorexia.

The idea of denying myself food for some body shape ideal is totally out of my ability to comprehend. Especially when they continue to see themselves as fat, even when there is overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

However, I am beginning to understand that last bit.

Beginning.

If you haven't seen me recently, you may not know that in the last six months I've lost about 30 lbs. {Losing weight was never my goal, but it has been an appreciated side effect. My goal was to increase my health both by eating more fruits, veggies, and whole grains and by exercising more, so that my body will be able to do all the things I want and need to do, and it will last as long as my mind does.}

While I can tell that my clothes fit better (or don't fit, as the case may be), when I look in the mirror sans vĂȘtements*, I really don't notice a difference.

Now, whether that's because I've persisted in seeing myself as I was pre-baby(s), or because my mind continues to conjure my post-gravid self, or because the change has been gradual enough that I didn't notice, I don't know and quite frankly don't care.

Because when it comes right down to it, as long as I'm healthy, I don't really care what I look like.

Which is why I'll never be anorexic.


*French for without clothing

3 comments:

Emily said...

Amen for not understanding anorexia. I LOVE to eat. Apparently at my middle school where I used to teach students joked/speculated that I was anorexic, and when I found out I really laughed out loud. I just have a high metabolism, people. And rally, I'm quite attached to eating.

Sara said...

I think it's a healthy person who can be happy with the skin that they have. I have a problem with over eating, especially all that yummy junk food and then I'm quite unhappy with the way I gain as a result. I don't need to be a size 4 to be happy, that's not my ideal or happy weight. Someday I'd like to be happy with the skin that I have.

Kim said...

And you look AWESOME!!!!